What I want: setting and visualising goals.

A big part of the Paul McKenna approach is setting goals and visualising them. I’ve always had problems with this.  I have a fear of success and a fear of failure. It plays out in work, love life and in my fitness journey. But it’s time to visualise those goals and where I’d like to be one year from now.

Weight goals: Right now I’ve put a weight goal of 150. That’s the top of the ‘healthy range’ on BMI for my height. But I’m not sure if that’s really what I want. I know I’d like to be in the 10/12 range (US sizes), fit, healthy and strong.  But weight is an easier measure than size. Even though it fluctuates it’s a more solid measure than clothing sizes…which vary from store to store…and the attractiveness and fitness of this size varies  from person to person.

Looking at a website called My Body Gallery which has pictures of real women my height and in the top end of my aspirational clothing size I see my goal…especially if I’m fit and muscular…could be anywhere between 175 and 190. And that’s really exciting, because 40 pounds away feels much closer than 80 pounds away.  But 40 pounds is still a lot.  Maybe when I get there, I need to re-evaluate. There’s  nothing wrong with that.

Health: I want to be fit. I want to be able to run and chase after my son who is getting faster and faster. One year from now I want to have played one season of women’s rugby – without injury.  I want to be free of depression and to be mentally focused and strong. I’d love to be able to do a full set of Bikram yoga – to   get into the positions and have that flexibility.

Career: I want to find a new job (of course), but I want to be satisfied in my role and making good bucks.  I think I’d like a role in knowledge management or internal comms. I think I saw a good job that I’ll apply for on Monday. 🙂

Relationships:  One year from now I want to be divorced. I think that’s the main thing. I hope we can still get along and I really hope we can be great co-parents. But I now realise that this relationship is damaging to me.  It’s emotionally abusive and stunting.  I would love to find another man to have a healthy and fulfilling adult relationship with.  But that may or may not happen within one year. But in the meantime, I’d like to date and have some fun!  And I’d like to have more fun with girlfriends, too. (No – not like that, don’t be smutty!). I really want to have a great relationship with my son. A healthy mother-son relationship. For too long, I think I’ve resented him because I’ve resented his father’s attitude toward him – that he’s too  much work, etc. etc.  I want to enjoy the good times and not feel undermined in the tough times (discipline, etc)

Financially: I want to be making good money and have enough to keep sending my son to private school and to enjoy a reasonably good standard of living. I don’t need a major holiday all the time. But I do want to be able to afford the extras like playing rugby (me and my son) and to eat lunch at Wagamamas if we want to.  I know how much this costs and I know this is within my earning power.

Spiritually: I’ve always shied away from the spiritual side of my nature, I think because I feel deeply uncomfortable with myself. But the yoga has been really helpful to connect with my sense of myself and my connection with the universe. There’s a long way to go with that too – but I want to stop feeling squidgy about the whole concept of spirtuality. I want to feel whole and happy.

 

 

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